Skyrim Sweet Rolls – Insert Applicable Meme Here

I have a confession to make: There will be no Senzu Bean Jelly Beans this week. At the time of this post there have been five failed batches of beans. I’d like to believe that each batch is a step closer to the desired result. It seems that there aren’t many decent how-to videos for making jelly beans around. I think in the end it should work out pretty well, but it is just not happening this week.

As a substitute, let’s sidetrack to one of my favorite games: Skyrim. One of the most iconic items from the game is the sweet roll. I actually had all of the ingredients on hand and didn’t need to make a special trip to the store, which is a nice change of pace. Today’s recipe is borrowed from Instructables with a small tweak at the end. Additionally, in place of the usual glaze Neo was craving some cream cheese icing. I’m inclined to agree with him here. The glaze/icing in the original sweet roll just seems more… substantial. No offense, Instructables. I’m sure your glaze is absolutely fantastic and I’ll probably try it someday. I use the cream cheese icing recipe from Food Network; it’s always yielded great results and has great taste. Links to these recipes can be found at the end of the post.

Gamers, gather your mats:

Sweet Roll

• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/4 cup milk
• 2 cups flour
• 2 sticks butter
• 5 eggs
• 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 2/3 cups sugar

If your doughs tend to have rising issues, 1 tsp. of baking powder can be added. You’ll see it in my setup picture but I didn’t actually need it.

I’m taking bets on when the slow cooker and blender gets removed from the island.

Cream Cheese Icing

• 1 stick butter, softened
• 4 oz. cream cheese, softened
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract

Although this is a fairly small batch, I found that I only needed to use about half. Feel free to cut the icing recipe in half and your rolls won’t suffer for it. I promise.

Gather all materials haphazardly and scatterbrained-ly (also a word now) around your kitchen to reach room temperature. I’ve been up much longer than I’d like so this was the easy part. The hard part was finding the damned cooking spray I hid right in front of my face. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F and grease your pan with cooking spray.

I stared at this for a long moment after my first fitness class with shaking arms thinking, “I can’t do this”.

Cream your butter and sugar together until fluffy. If you have any tools to make your life easier, use them.

Spoiler alert: I could. It involved a lot of stabby motions, though. Not pretty.

Add your eggs one at a time and beat senseless.

Eggggggggggg.

That went surprisingly well for having jelly-like arms to begin with.

Add your milk flour, salt, and vanilla extract and stir gently. Do not over-mix.

That… that looks terrible.

Remember when I mentioned a small tweak? Every time Neo brings up sweet rolls, he calls them cinnamon rolls. For the life of me, I don’t know why. Here I listened to the wishes of his subconscious and added a magical final ingredient: 1 tablespoon of cinnamon.

I AM A REBEL WHO DOES NOT FOLLOW THE RULES. FEAR ME.

Mix cinnamon in gently until just combined and pour into your baking pan. This didn’t go particularly well as I could barely lift the bowl. Geez, what did those people do to me this morning? Bake for about 20 minutes.

These seem a bit over full.

While that’s in the oven, cobble together your cream cheese icing:

Attack the butter and sugar in a medium bowl. Again, if you have tools, use them. I still don’t, so insert more stabby motions with a wooden spoon here.

Oh god, it burns. Buuuuurrrrrrnnnnnssssssss.

Now, add your powdered sugar to this mixture one cup at a time until smooth and creamy and yum. Add in the vanilla extract once you’ve gotten to this stage.

Halfway done.

You should probably check on those sweet rolls. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Definitely over-full. I had to rip off the extras which didn’t hurt anything. I think they’re pretty.

Once your icing is finished and your rolls have cooled, transfer your icing into a plastic sandwich bag. Remove any excess air and seal. Snip a small bit off of one of the bottom corners with a pair of kitchen scissors. You’ll be piping the icing over the top and sides of the rolls. This is easily the most challenging and most fun part, if that tells you how easy this is.

Skyrim meets Harry Potter with my “I Speak Parseltongue” t-shirt. Thanks to Jessica Rush for snapping this shot.

Use your leftover wooden skewers (I know you still have them) to even out the icing if necessary.

Hands down, probably the easiest recipe I’ve done for the blog. If you can read a measuring cup, you can ace this recipe. We enjoyed these for breakfast and still have leftovers. Remember, store these in the fridge to preserve the icing. This recipe yields about 12 delectable sweet rolls. As always, please feel free to leave your comments and feedback. I’d love to hear from you.

Links!

Sweet Rolls: http://www.instructables.com/id/Foods-of-Skyrim-Sweet-Rolls/

Cream Cheese Icing: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/cream-cheese-frosting-recipe.html

Cheers,

Leisel

Coming up next: Senzu Bean Jelly Beans? Maybe? Yes, I like this idea.