Portal Slushies

Is the cake a lie or not? Today it is, but these slushies will get you one week closer to the fabled cake. (Well of course it’s going to be my birthday cake, what did you think?) Portal and Portal 2 are a couple of my favorites, just don’t ask me to play them. For some reason my brain just will not process many of the puzzles presented in the games. I don’t know why, I just can’t. It’s fun to watch others play though. But you know what I can wrap my head around? These slushies! So easy to make, and only two ingredients:

1. Liquid (if liquid = Sprite)

and

2. Crack (if crack = Skittles)

These slushies are bright and fruity with just a tingle of carbonation on the tongue. The best part? You only need your refrigerator. That’s right; no processing, no blending, no crushing, nothing. Plus, with summer heating up these are the perfect thing. Ready? Let’s go.

Gamers, grab your mats:

• 2 liter bottle of Sprite (you’ll have a bit left over)
• 2- 14 oz. bags Dessert Skittles (yes, this matters)

OPTIONAL (but highly recommended): 1 -14 oz. bag regular Skittles

SECOND EDIT: Golly gee willikers, getting a lot of “needs more alcohol” comments. Want to get drunk off of your ass and have a tasty slushie? Sub vodka for Sprite in the water bottles. Boom. (You’ll still want to top off with Sprite at the freezing stage.)

You’ll also require a couple of standard size empty water bottles or glasses of a similar size.

Rip open both bags of Dessert Skittles. Pick out all of the blue and orange Skittles.

This is where the regular Skittles come in. You’ll notice the orange Dessert Skittles are rather pale. For a brighter orange slushie, use regular orange Skittles. You’ll see.

Hey, look, a boy. I let the boy in the kitchen. (Who am I kidding, he’s actually the head chef when it comes to meal preparation.)

Separate the orange and blue Skittles into two different bottles. I don’t know if this is a thing but it seems there were a lot more orange than blue.

I sense a bias here.

Pour Sprite slowly into each bottle. There will be some fizzing action; pour slowly. It’s best to use a funnel for this step to minimize the mess factor. Fill the bottles, cap them, and give them a good shake.

A funnel isn’t mandatory, but it helps a lot.

Right- the difference between Dessert and Regular Orange. Let’s compare:

Needless to say, I used the Regular Orange.

Pop both bottles into the fridge to allow the colors and flavors to infuse for 24 hours. Waiting’s the hardest part; why not play some Portal to get hyped up?

24 Impatient Hours Later:

Part two: Please don’t spill shit. (Spoiler: I did.)

Pour one of the infused bottles into a large measuring container. The candies will be pretty well fused and cemented to the bottom of the bottle, but it’s a good idea to use a strainer just in case.

To be fair, I shook these out to see what would happen.

It’ll be somewhere around 1 1/2 – 2 cups. Add Sprite to the 4 cup mark. Stir.

That oughta make plenty.

Pour into one of your trays and rinse the measuring container out. Wash, rinse, and repeat for your second color. Oh, and if this happens:

Fizzy filmy stuff.

Just skim it off the top. It’s edible and tasty, but gritty. Don’t want that in your slushie, right?

Welp, that’s that. Now to make them a little more solid…

Cover with foil or plastic wrap and put in the freezer. You’ll want to freeze these for anywhere from 2-3 hours. However, this isn’t a simple freeze-and-forget deal. You’ll want to take them out every 30 minutes and break up the ice until you reach your optimal slushie texture.

After the first hour.

And the second hour. Almost there, but I like mine to have a little more body.

Something like this. This was the 2 1/2 hour mark. Pretty much perfect, in my opinion.

Scoop into glasses and serve immediately. For best effect, stick one spoon handle-up into the orange slushie and one spoon handle-down into the blue slushie. +5000 points if you understand the relevance.

Voila! Portal Slushies!

You’ll have about 30 minutes to eat them inside before they turn watery.

Which is your favorite flavor – Orange, or Blueberry? I preferred the Blueberry flavor, but it was an even split. Depending on the size of your glasses, you’ll get about 2-4 slushies per color. We ended up not slurping them up in one go (shocker, right?) and popped them back in the freezer for the next day for shaved ice. Sublime!

Coming Up Next: Let’s hit up a favorite RPG with Final Fantasy VII Materia Button Candy. You know you want it.

Cheers,

Leisel

Remember, cooking IRL doesn’t have to be a Feat of Strength!