Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes

Behold the first Skill Up Skillet recipe to physically kick my ass: Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes! This recipe was recently requested by longtime reader, teacher, and friend Laura. Would now be a good time to mention the only seafood I’ve handled up until now has been restricted to fish fingers and imitation crab sticks? As always, like an idiot, challenge accepted. For those of you not familiar with Headcrabs, these things are horrifying. According to the Half-Life Wiki:

Headcrabs are a parasitic species. Upon sighting a humanoid host, a headcrab will leap for the victim’s face and affix itself to the cranium, whereupon they will use their beak to break into the victim’s skull. The Headcrab then proceeds to take over its host’s motor functions through some unknown biological process.

Yes, these scary fuckers essentially transform their host into a zombie. Beyond horrifying, right? An unbiased review of this recipe for harmless (but spicy) crab cakes might call for a Skillet Level 2 difficulty, but considering I’m missing a moderate amount of flesh from one of my fingers, well…

In return for this inspiration from hell, I named my blister ‘Laura’. Want to have a cooking-related bodily injury named after you? Contact me for details. Anyway.

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Ready? Let’s go.