Tag Archives: crab

Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes

Difficulty3Behold the first Skill Up Skillet recipe to physically kick my ass: Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes! This recipe was recently requested by longtime reader, teacher, and friend Laura. Would now be a good time to mention the only seafood I’ve handled up until now has been restricted to fish fingers and imitation crab sticks? As always, like an idiot, challenge accepted. For those of you not familiar with Headcrabs, these things are horrifying. According to the Half-Life Wiki:

Headcrabs are a parasitic species. Upon sighting a humanoid host, a headcrab will leap for the victim’s face and affix itself to the cranium, whereupon they will use their beak to break into the victim’s skull. The Headcrab then proceeds to take over its host’s motor functions through some unknown biological process.

Yes, these scary fuckers essentially transform their host into a zombie. Beyond horrifying, right? An unbiased review of this recipe for harmless (but spicy) crab cakes might call for a Skillet Level 2 difficulty, but considering I’m missing a moderate amount of flesh from one of my fingers, well…

In return for this inspiration from hell, I named my blister ‘Laura’. Want to have a cooking-related bodily injury named after you? Contact me for details. Anyway.

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Ready? Let’s go. Continue reading Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes

Why Not Zoidberg Meatloaf?

No, it’s really not as hard as it looks.

Coincidentally, the same day we ordered the Futurama boxed set was the same day I decided to make Zoidberg Meatloaf. Because why not Zoidberg? The real question you may be asking is, “Why meatloaf”? For one, over the last week I’ve had so much ‘garbage food’ i.e.: over-processed, preservative laden, empty calorie sugary crap that I just can’t stomach one more forkful. I do enjoy eating other things besides the usually sweet treats I present you every week. For two, Zoidberg is a crustaceous alien being who, being flat broke, essentially survives on other people’s garbage. Three, meatloaf generally looks like a bunch of garbage shaped into an edible mystery loaf. What even goes into meatloaf?

In this case, surprisingly good things. Ground beef, veggies, quality seasonings, and imitation crabmeat. Crabmeat? Yes, crabmeat. It only makes sense in Zoidberg’s case. Ready? Let’s go.

Continue reading Why Not Zoidberg Meatloaf?